Co-sleeping isn’t sounding as “out-there” as it used to. Opponents of cosleeping (when baby sleeps in bed with mom) will often point out that there’s a suffocation hazard. I would be interested to know how many deaths have occurred in cribs or other baby gadgets compared to a planned cosleeping arrangement. I say planned because there are guidelines for safe cosleeping. If you bring the baby to bed because you’re exhausted one night and haven’t implemented the safety measures then it would be more dangerous than planned cosleeping.

I definitely feel safer with Elena sleeping soundly in my armpit than I would with her elsewhere!

The story:
Through the power of the internet, there was an amazing turn-out for the Applebee’s nurse-out last week. Emails, message boards, blogs and word of mouth spread news of the nurse-out like wildfire. So where does this leave print media? Feeling left-out and worried about the future of their jobs is my guess. Normally, I wouldn’t notice such things, but the above mentioned pissed-off publisher chose to make himself known to me through a series of grumpy emails in response to my press release. Yes, I emailed him a press release on the event, like I did to every other news outlet in town, and was treated to a rant on how he didn’t approve of my tactics. I guess I shouldn’t count on people in his line of work to jump for joy when people can moblilze and spread information so fast without his help. Public discourse isn’t happening in the columns of newsprint, it is happening through the pixels on computer screens.

So here’s the email exchange for your reading pleasure–I’ve replaced his name with Mr. Publisher:

On Sep 7, 2007, at 2:59 PM, Mr. Publisher wrote:

Ms. M:

Though I’m aware you likely are merely the vessel through which this press release passed and not the originator of the event itself, your name is on the release and thus my comments are addressed to you. Feel free to pass them along to others in your organization, or discard them altogether.

Just how, exactly, will a call to send nursing mothers en masse to Applebee’s restaurants during a Saturday lunch hour accomplish your stated goal of “want(ing) Applebee’s … to become breastfeeding friendly”? Or isn’t it instead true that the real aim is to hope to create enough of a spectacle to attract attention?

This is just the kind of pushy, in-your-face advocacy that gradually is replacing constructive dialogue in our nation. It does so to the detriment of our society, and in light of the admirable cause you claim to promote – breastfeeding – it is especially disappointing because it does so to the likely detriment of your cause itself. Based on the background you provided, this event clearly represents an overwrought response to a single incident – as anyone with a sense of proportion would readily acknowledge.

Of course, the mere fact that you are advocating participation in this “protest” certainly makes it appear that those within your organization lack that sense of proportion, so I expect no agreement from you on any points that I have made – just as you won’t receive any sympathy for this farce from me.

More’s the pity. Strong, information-based promotion of breast-feeding is a valuable, noble cause that everyone should support. What we don’t need are publicity stunts from advocacy groups attempting to hijack such causes in a misguided ploy for attention.

Good day,

Mr. Publisher

My response:
From: Andrea M
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2007 11:02 AM
To: Mr. Publisher
Subject: Re: Nurse-Out at Applebees Tomorrow
Dear Mr. Publisher,

I just wanted to let you know that I received your email. Hopefully, the post-event press release I sent you this morning will clarify some of your misinterpretations on the nature of this particular event.

This is an exciting time for breastfeeding supporters. Last Saturday, many individual Applebees across the country adopted breastfeeding-friendly policies. Other restaurants across the country also jumped on board. A campaign has begun to add breastfeeding to our Federal Civil Rights. This is all a direct result of the national nurse-out, in which I was proud to take part.

I’m sure one of the other members of the nurse-out could have given your email a more eloquent response, but based on the condescending tone of your email, I’m not sure it deserves one.

Sincerely,
Andrea

His response to my response:

From: Mr. Publisher
Date: September 10, 2007 11:42:01 AM EDT
To: “Andrea M
Subject: RE: Nurse-Out at Applebees Tomorrow

Ms. M:

I apologize if my prior e-mail sounded condescending; I was shooting for acerbic.

In your position you are perhaps not privy to the constant erosion of our national dialog from single-issue interest groups in their constant quest to one-up the last group’s attention-getting effort. Across the spectrum, we in the media are inundated with organizations asserting their “right” to some behavior or another, and generally those assertions are accompanied by boorish, classless actions that only serve to demean their cause. It’s most shameful when the cause truly is good, as is the one you have been hired to champion.

If you can’t see the denigration of culture that is the natural progression of such attitudes, more’s the pity.

Mr. Publisher

Some people just can’t live without having the last word. I am not one of them–unless you count posting this for the world to see?

This morning we donned our pro-breastfeeding shirts and headed out for an hour-long nurse-out at the Evans, GA Applebees. We had a total of 6 adults and 8 kids–not a bad showing on a GA-SC football weekend!

The nurse-out was in response to an incident at a Kentucky Applebees earlier this summer. A mom sitting in a corner booth was asked to cover her baby with a blanket while breastfeeding or leave. She produced a copy of Kentucky law stating her right to breastfeed without interference, but the store manager still demanded she don a blanket. She left the store and followed up with a letter to the owner of the franchises in that area. The company that owns a bunch of Applebees in that area ignored letters for 2 months before responding that they were considering making BLANKETS AVAILABLE at their locations. Yes, folks you read me right. Women will be forced to don unfashionable Applebee’s baby blankets and try to keep the blanket from slipping while infants squirm underneath begging for fresh air. How any eating gets accomplished for either mom or baby is anyone’s guess.

Applebee’s callous and uninformed response to this incident sparked the call for the nurse-out. A nurse-out is an event to educate the public (as opposed to a nurse-in which would be a reaction to a particular event). In this case, the goal was to draw public awareness to the discrimination that mothers and babies face and to encourage companies to implement a formal company-wide breastfeeding friendly policy.

Woman are constantly being discriminated against, singled out when they are approached to cover-up, move or be more discreet. This can cause women to feel like they are doing something shameful or inappropriate. It has to be that people are just offended at the act of nursing, not that they actually ever see anything It must be shocking for some folks to realize that we are indeed mammals–we nurse our young! I’ve never witnessed anyone (except at a La Leche League meeting) “whipping it out.” Even if they do catch a glimpse, I’m sure it’s not anything more than you would see on TV or even at the mall.

Society is giving women conflicting messages. We are told by the American Academy of Pediatrics to breastfeed for at least a year, but then told not to do it in public, or if you do, you’d better not offend anybody. So when does my baby’s LEGAL right to eat anywhere, anytime outweigh someone’s offense at witnessing it?

I think it takes more than laws, it takes people in society to demand change. In the last day or so, I have been thinking about what it would be like if American society were totally accepting of breastfeeding. I’ve actually let myself imagine it. I’ve imagined going into a restaurant and not having to remember to ask for a booth and sit with my back to the crowd. Not having the “what if Elena needs to nurse” plan running through my head while I’m out. But can American society ever view the breast as an instrument rather than an ornament? Would nursing in bathrooms, cars and fitting rooms be a thing of the past? Will these stories of women getting thrown out of restaurants and planes horrify my girls when/if they become mothers?

Already, things are changing. As I look at the reports from groups around the country, many Applebees have enacted pro-breastfeeding policies and posted the international breastfeeding icon in their windows. Yes, breastfeeding is normal and if you don’t like it, put a blanket over YOUR head.

I’m working on a toy buying checklist:

-Does it require imagination to use or do kids need to know about the character and watch TV to know how you’re supposed to use it.
-Will it be trashed after a few uses?
-If it breaks, is it repairable?
-Does it require batteries?
-If it does end up in the trash is it recyclable?
-What is the environmental impact of trashing it or making it in the first place?
-Can Elena choke on it?
-Does it encourage sedentary activity?

Whew! I’m finding out that shopping at the dollar store is out. Buying action figures is out. Buying a plastic outdoor playset is out. Instead, we can buy craft supplies, outdoor toys, books, dress-up stuff . . . For her birthday, she got: a tent, a Cabbage patch kid doll, Bella Dancerella DVD with ballet bar and a Barbie doll. I could have done better, but it IS hard! Also, we said “no gifts” on her party invites so we wouldn’t end up with a bunch of toys that don’t meet the new criteria.

Elizabeth rarely lacks something to do. The other day, she asked me to make a drive-through with a box we had around. She’s spent hours making cappuchinos and baby mochas for the family. Today, she has taken all the utensils out of the drawer and put them “to bed” all over the desk and windowsill. I said, “you’re going to have to wash them when you’re through.” She replied “that’s OK, they like showers!” It’s neat seeing her imagination at work, and I just have to get used to her using non-traditional toys and watching out for chopstick fairies and talking black beans.

Silverware Slumber Party

Elizabeth’s Drive-Thru

Dusting and sweeping can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow old so much to our sorrow, quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep

I found it on someone’s signature on a mailing list I’m on, not sure who wrote it